Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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