dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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