Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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