I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and she was petting her beer can
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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