I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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