I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
