im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
