he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't put those talents on a resume
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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