She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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