Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize