I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
