If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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