Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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