Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
