So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
