You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
