I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
