Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
