help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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