Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
