there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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