I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
vagina is talking i cant
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
