I'm gonna have a badass scar
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
