Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
