I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Blood and glitter go together right?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
