I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
