Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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