You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
