dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
