Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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