just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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