im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize