i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
