I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
