There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
