I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
