Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
