She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize