shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
