Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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