I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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