I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
