my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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