if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Randomize
