In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
