I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
