Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
