the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
40s are totally the cure
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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