I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
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