my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
