PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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