whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Jerry, you need to find god
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
