do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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