:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
