It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
