does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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