I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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