He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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