i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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