I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
