He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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