how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I intend to get homeless drunk
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
